“You’re looking exhausted,” said the Black Cat.
“I’ve been trying to log into one of my accounts,” said Señora AmaDeCasa.
“Did you get in?”
“No.”
“You forgot your password?”
“No.”
“Then what happened?” The Cat tilted its head.
“I forgot which one of my passwords belongs to that account.” Señora stared at the glowing screen.
“That’s progress.” The Black Cat nodded slowly.
“For whom?” She frowned.
“For the system.” The Cat’s tail flicked once.
“I clicked ‘Forgot Password.’” She pointed at the monitor.
“And?”
“It told me my new password couldn’t be the same as my old one.” She let out a quiet sigh.
“Reasonable.”
“But I don’t remember my old one.” She rubbed her forehead.
“Precisely.” One of the Cat’s ears twitched.
“Then it asked me to verify my identity.” She reached for her phone.
“Were you able to?”
“It sent a verification code to my phone.” She unlocked the screen.
“Excellent.” The Cat blinked.
“My phone asked for its password.” She stared at it in disbelief.
“Naturally.”
“My computer wanted my fingerprint.” She pressed a finger against the sensor.
“Very modern.” The Black Cat sat up a little straighter.
“And then the app requested Face ID.” She looked up at the laptop.
“Did it recognize you?”
“No.”
“Why not?” The Cat narrowed its eyes.
“I wasn’t wearing my glasses.” She picked them up from the desk.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
“So now your own face is no longer convincing enough.” The Black Cat blinked once.
“Apparently not.” Señora sank back into her chair.
Beyond the rain-speckled window, the Archons watched with quiet satisfaction.
“The subject has been verifying her identity for eight minutes.”
“Excellent.”
“Is there any doubt that it’s actually her?”
“None whatsoever.”
“Then why are we still verifying?”
The oldest Archon adjusted his golden mask.
“Because security must never create a feeling of security.”
“What should it create instead?”
“Procedures.”
The youngest Archon glanced at the screen.
“And what if she still can’t get in?”
The eldest allowed himself a faint smile.
“Then she’ll create a new account.”
“Once upon a time, people locked their doors to keep strangers out.” The Black Cat stretched lazily across the desk.
“And now?” Señora looked over at the Cat.
“Now they lock everything so well that even they can’t get in.” The Cat purred quietly.
Later that day, the Archons proudly recorded another success.
The system was perfectly secure.
No one—including its owner—managed to gain access.
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Disclaimer
No Archons were consulted during the writing of this dialogue.
Any resemblance to actual Archons, cats, people, organizations, algorithms, online accounts, passwords, verification codes, facial recognition systems, or other forms of organized intelligence is entirely coincidental… although, at times, suspiciously accurate.
This is a work of satire and is not intended to offend, insult, or discriminate against anyone.
If you happen to recognize yourself in it, the Black Cat recommends checking whether you still remember your password before deciding to take offense.
